I was with my 10 year-old son the other day. He was on his way to get himself a glass of water and I asked “Would you mind bringing me a glass, too?”  He asked “What do I get if I do?” I replied “If the only reason you are getting it is to get something in return, then don’t bother – I’ll get it myself.”

Business people often treat relationships the same way. Too many people seek a quid-pro-quo.  When you give a gift during the holidays, are you recognizing the season of giving, or are you trying to prime the pump of receiving? Do you give employees bonuses to recognize a job well done, or to entice them to stick around? When you send notes of appreciation, do you do so expecting something in return?

I don’t know about you, but I can always tell the difference between someone doing something nice, and someone doing something because they hope and expect to receive something in return. I also see this behavior in the opposite direction:  it might be a client who says “since we didn’t give you a hard time about missing the deadline by a day, how about giving us some free consulting on another project?”

I find that by being generous with my time, and being sincere with gifts that I get the satisfaction of giving, without the added complication of disappointment. Here are three tips this holiday season to put a smile on your face and the faces of others.

• Lend people money without the expectation of ever seeing it again. When the recipient pays you back later than originally promised, be happy that it exceeded your expectation.  Venture Capitalists do this all of the time, it just might be perceived otherwise.
• Express appreciation without seeking reciprocation. You can thank the waiter for excellent service verbally and financially (one is not a substitute for the other). Don’t expect to receive a free round of drinks for either act. It’s OK to leave a huge tip and not stick around to see their reaction.  Trust me – they smiled.
• Thank your clients for giving you an opportunity to do what you enjoy. If you don’t actually enjoy what you do, then set a goal to do something about which you are passionate in the new year. People enjoy being around people who enjoy what they do. There is no point making yourself and those around you miserable.
• Share your passion with others so they can find their passion. Organizations like the Network for Teaching Entrepreneurship (NFTE.COM) provide programs that inspire young people from low-income communities to stay in school, to recognize business opportunities and to plan for successful futures. All you will get in return is the knowledge that you helped the next generation succeed… not too shabby.